The Official Jokes Thread
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20:25 Thu 15 Oct 09 (BST) [Link]
why did the chicken cross the road ???
how wud i know go ask him u creeps stop annoying me about it !!!
how wud i know go ask him u creeps stop annoying me about it !!!
20:26 Thu 15 Oct 09 (BST) [Link]
why did the chicken cross the road ???
how wud i know go ask him u creeps stop annoying me about it !!!
how wud i know go ask him u creeps stop annoying me about it !!!
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14:02 Fri 1 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"
Barman says: "No'
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritat...ing dang duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?
not the best ever but its ok......lol
Barman says: "No'
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, we have no bread."
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Duck says: "Got any bread?"
Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritat...ing dang duck!"
Duck says: "Got any nails?"
Barman says: "No"
Duck says: "Got any bread?
not the best ever but its ok......lol
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21:37 Fri 1 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
2 men in a bar lose there wives and 1 says lets search together what does your wife look like, he says, she's 5ft 11inchs tall long blonde hair down to her bum and is wearing a short skirt, now what does yours look like, the other man says Sod that lets look for yours
Edited by forum moderator mk_lad, at 14:45 Mon 04/01/10 (GMT)
Edited by forum moderator mk_lad, at 14:45 Mon 04/01/10 (GMT)
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21:45 Fri 1 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer?s file and called him into his office.
Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you?re ready to go home. I?m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.?
Oh, he didn?t kill himself, Mr. Haroldson replied. I hung him up to dry.
Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you?re ready to go home. I?m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.?
Oh, he didn?t kill himself, Mr. Haroldson replied. I hung him up to dry.
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21:55 Fri 1 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new 300pounds mountain bike.
How?d you get that, son?
By hiking.?
Hiking??
Yeah, every night, Mom?s boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike
How?d you get that, son?
By hiking.?
Hiking??
Yeah, every night, Mom?s boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike
03:26 Sat 2 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
its means to get lost for a bit or go find something to do for a few hours
00:37 Mon 4 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
It means go for a walk!
jaaaames said:
what's a hike?
It means go for a walk!
00:41 Mon 4 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
Rolf...Loved thos jokes mate'!
Edited by forum moderator mk_lad, at 14:47 Mon 04/01/10 (GMT)
_shergar_ said:
2 men in a bar lose there wives and 1 says lets search together what does your wife look like, he says, she's 5ft 11inchs long blonde hair down to her bum and is wearing a short skirt, now what does yours look like, the other man says Sod that lets look for yours
_shergar_ said:
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer?s file and called him into his office.
Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you?re ready to go home. I?m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.?
Oh, he didn?t kill himself, Mr. Haroldson replied. I hung him up to dry.
Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you?re ready to go home. I?m only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.?
Oh, he didn?t kill himself, Mr. Haroldson replied. I hung him up to dry.
_shergar_ said:
A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new 300pounds mountain bike.
How?d you get that, son?
By hiking.?
Hiking??
Yeah, every night, Mom?s boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike
How?d you get that, son?
By hiking.?
Hiking??
Yeah, every night, Mom?s boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike
Rolf...Loved thos jokes mate'!
Edited by forum moderator mk_lad, at 14:47 Mon 04/01/10 (GMT)
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16:11 Mon 4 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
Police in Liverpool have arrested 3 of 4 well known Scouse Islamic terrorists, Bin Snort-in, Bin Deal-in and Bin Thieving, unfortunately there is no sign of Bin Work-in
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16:12 Mon 4 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
Girl cant pull a fella, so she goes to chinese doctor, for wise wisdom on her failure to attract a man.
OKAY! , Chinese doctor says, " bend over table, and rift up your skirt"
girl obligingly does as asked, and Chinese doctor says "AHHHH, NOW I SEE PROBREM!" , You have zakari disease, is why you not pull man!"
" IS it curable?" girl asks
"NO! NOT CURABLE!" doctor says
"Well , what is zakari disease then?" she cries
"IT MEAN, Your backside, Zakari same as your face!"
edit: keep them clean pleaseeee!
Edited by forum moderator mrmagic, at 20:24 Tue 05/01/10 (GMT)
OKAY! , Chinese doctor says, " bend over table, and rift up your skirt"
girl obligingly does as asked, and Chinese doctor says "AHHHH, NOW I SEE PROBREM!" , You have zakari disease, is why you not pull man!"
" IS it curable?" girl asks
"NO! NOT CURABLE!" doctor says
"Well , what is zakari disease then?" she cries
"IT MEAN, Your backside, Zakari same as your face!"
edit: keep them clean pleaseeee!
Edited by forum moderator mrmagic, at 20:24 Tue 05/01/10 (GMT)
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16:14 Mon 4 Jan 10 (GMT) [Link]
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
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The Official Jokes Thread
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