A bear a lion and a chicken all argueing over who was the scariest.....
The bear said "Im the scariest cos when i growls the whole forest trembles"
The lion said "im the scariest cos when i roar the whole jungle trembles"
To wich the chicken replied "im the scariest cos when i cough the whole world gets f**kin scared"

Man goes fishing on the ice. he cuts a hole and puts his fishing rod in when a voice says ........ "Theres no fish in there"
To wich the man man replies "How do u know r u god"
The voice replies "NO im the owner of the ice rink".

Funny Business

A man is opening a restaurant and he asks one of his workers to come up with a name for it.
The man tells Al, one of his workers, that he will name the resaurant after the first thing Al sees when he goes out the door.

Al walks outside and the first thing he saw was a girl named Lucy and he saw her legs. He told the man, and so the restaurant was named Lucy's Legs. The man was so impressed that he said the next day Al could get a free drink.

The next day Al comes a bit early and a policeman walks by and notices Al waiting there. The policeman asks, "What are you doing?"

Al says, "I'm waiting for Lucy's legs to open so I can get a drink."

whats the difference between a giraffe and a JCB????


A JCB has hydraulics... and a giraffe has high set of ********

The Judge

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bstard!"

"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.

The Judge thunders back "If you don''t tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"

"I''ve lived next to that lying bstard for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a f*****g tool when I needed to borrow one!"

40 gypsies arrive at heaven's gates, st peter says......"we've only got room for 12 so decide amongst urselves who's comeing in".
5 minutes later st peter say's to god..... "they've gone" god say's "what all 40?" st peter replies.... "no, the f***ing gates!"

Redneck Baseball

You might be a redneck if it takes two twinkies, a beer and your sister to get to second base.

College Rules

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

"How much for a season pass?"

College Rules

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

"How much for a season pass?"

wats the same about michael jackson and carryabag ? they both are plastic and both shud be kept away from children

Fish Market

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

You copied mine there supermega was it supposed to be funny or what please enlighten me ??

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

wats the difference btween a nun in a church and a nun in a bath?

the 1 in the church has hope in her soul and the 1 in the bath has sope in her hole!!!!!

any more jokes post fast

i posted that joke ages ago on funkypool

Edited at 20:40 Mon 24/04/06 (BST)

Lawyers and Hot Dog Meat

Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?

They don't become so attached to the lawyers.

A bear and a rabbit were taking a poo in the woods, when the bear said to the rabbit, "do u have trouble with poo sticking to your fur", the rabbit replied "no", so the bear wiped his bum with the rabbit

Q: What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?
A: Telling your parents you're g@y.

Edited at 12:11 Tue 16/05/06 (BST)

Q. what happened to the farmer who took 40 viagras thinking they were sleeping pills?

A. went to bed and had 40 w@nks

what does micheal jackson like about 35 year olds?

theres 30 of them