One morning while making breakfast,
>>a man walked up to his wife,
>>pinched her on the butt and said...
>>"If you firmed this up, we could get rid of
>>your control top pantyhose."
>>While this was on the edge of intolerable,
>>she kept silent.
>>The next morning,
>>the man woke his wife with
>>a pinch on each of her breasts
>>and said....
>>"You know, if you firmed these up,
>>we could get rid of your bra."
>>This was
>>beyond
>>a silent response...
>>So she rolled over
>>and
>>grabbed him
>>by his
>>'DANGLER.'
>>With a death grip in place,
>>she said...
>>"You know,
>>if you
>>firmed this up,
>>we could
>>get rid of
>>the gardener ,the postman, the pool man and your brother!

lmfao... very nice kimmy..

Nice one kimmy, here is my effort....A little girl asked her Mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mum replies, "No, because she is on heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum but she said the dog was on heat, and to see Dad." Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said, "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go round the block once."
The little girl left, but returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home!"

Lmao!

lmfao at kimmys joke

HA at both

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and starts to walk out.

Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to the guy "Excuse me, but I noticed that everytime you drank a shot, you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket."

The guys slurs "Well, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good."
________________________________________-__
A guy walks into a bar, right? Which is really kind of stupid, cause you'd think that he would have seen it first.

Edited at 15:23 Wed 13/12/06 (GMT)

A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."

The lady asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"

"Just rub toilet paper between them."

"How does that make them bigger?"


"I don't know, but it worked for your as$."
__________________________________________

A guy walks into a bar, and there's a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is staring at the horse, when the horse says, "Hey buddy? What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?"

The guy says, "No, it's not that... it's just that I never thought the parrot would sell the place."

A guy walks into a bar and tells everyone there "Give me all your money, watches, jewelry and anything else of value or I will inject you with the AIDS virus." Then he produces a syringe. One by one everyone hands over all their stuff except one man at the end of the bar.
"I told you to hand over all your stuff or I'll inject you with the AIDS virus."
The man at the bar said "Go ahead, I'm wearing a condom."
__________________________________________


not all jokes are suitable for the forum

Edited by forum moderator driver8, at 16:09 Wed 13/12/06 (GMT)

lol

man walks into a bar and orders a triple whisky and gulps it in a flash.
orders another triple and gulps it again in one.
he keeps gulping triple whiskeys one after the other. after his seventh triple the barman says"jesus mate wats up wit u, why u drinking so fast"???
man replies"you'd be drinking like this if u had wat i have"
"oh god" replies the barman,"wat have u got"??
man replies"a quid"!!!

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, I can't serve you here unless you are wearing a tie."

The man says, "Okay, I'll be right back," and goes to his car to find anything he can use for a tie. All he finds is a set of jumper cables, so he ties them around his neck, goes back in and asks, "How's this?"

The bartender replies, "Well, okay, but don't start anything."

hahahaha Gooner

A hobo walks into a bar and asks the bartneder for a toothpick, the bartender obliges and the hobo scurries out.
Another hobo walks into the bar and again asks for a toothpick, the bartender is slightly confused but agrees.
This happens a few more times but later a hobo walks in and asks for a straw. The bartneder asks "all the others wanted a toothpick, why do you want a straw?". The hobo replies "well, a guy was sick outside and all the good bits are gone"

lol all the others

Edited at 17:39 Wed 13/12/06 (GMT)

Post removed by forum moderator

This is a jokes thread, Racist jokes will be deleted i take things like this VERY serious ...cymmerboy consider this a warning, no more jokes like that please

lol i love jokes liked the 1st one

Dr Dave slept with one of his patients and began to worry about it for days afterwards. he consoled himself saying " look Dave, every Doctor must sleep with his patients now and again, just don't worry about it" but each time Dave was brought back down to reality with a voice inside his head saying .. "Dave, you're a vet"

Edited at 21:49 Mon 8/01/07 (GMT)

haha very nice joke there...

keeps you thinking.. and don't cheat and skip to the end and don't day you have heard it before like my wife just did =S

but i thought it was good 1angel1

two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere, " says Gerry.

The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass.

At the Connor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff.

Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, "Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!


THERE'S MORE. . .