This is the dawning of the worlds best newspaper updated daily with the news from all around Funkysnooker!
Just post in your storys here and tell the world about the goings on in the funkysnooker members bar or all the juicy gossip from the Forums!

I'll start it off...

Horror spread through the funkysnooker website as earlier on today a well respected Moderator admitted to stealing a lady's handbag with the intent to eating Baby Bottom tasting chapstick, heres the proof!

We name no name's people but this Moderator Speaks with a foul toungue!
"It was an accident. I stole your handbag and the chapstick was in it. How was i supposed to know?"

Disgraceful!

Your correspondant

Alex

PANDA USED AS A GETAWAY DRIVER..

Earlier this evening driver8 was seen on the back of a go kart driven by a panda with a fridge in tow, it's thought that the depression of having his fridge key confiscated led to a rather desperate measure to get to the staff beer.
The last reported sighting was in the snookerclub where the panda was dancing on the practice table singing 'You're a koala, and you know you are'

If you have any information that could lead to the re-capture of the fridge, please contact the funkysnooker staff

Horror spread thoughout the funkysnooker world today as news emerged that driver8 had gone on a drunken rampage in the thread 'funkysnooker daily news'. According to witnesses he was shouting a crazy story about a panda and a fridge, ending with a song about koalas. One elderly user (funky_al) commented "it was horrible, i just wish someone would think of the children".

driver8 is thought to be still on the loose so if seen, approach with caution - he is known to be armed with a very big boot.

Edited at 21:14 Mon 19/02/07 (GMT)

NEW SNOOKER CUE NEEDED

Today, during an angry rampage, a certain innocent girl accidentally broke a very respected moderators cue stick. She claims it is not in revenge towards him stealing her handbag, but the police are investigating. We please ask that that the users of funky snooker donate any unused cue's to try to console this poor poor man. He also requests that the cue come from an experienced member, and prefers it does not come from drunk_lad (apparently he uses a children's cue) or from driver8 (who's cue smells of cider). Thank you for all your help, and we will keep you updated!!

I was just wondering if i come across the susspect is there a reward for handing him in???

Does he want my cue? I would be happy to donate it to a good *cough* needy cause!

PANDA CAUGHT DRINK DRIVING

Earlier on top_spin posted a report on the getaway Panda kart and the criminal mastermind Driver8 escaping the clutches of the law with a fridge.
A update has come in that Driver8, the Panda and the fridge has been found in the Snooker Club! Driver8 and The Panda have been sentanced to 2 hours in the Chat room! Police reports indicate that Driver8 and The Panda were found in the guest room tanked up with cheap and cheerful cider from Morrisons.

hahah these are cracking me up, and yes of course there is a reward, and crusade we will inspect your cue to see if its worthy haha

well my cue is large enough, so there is no issue there lol

DRUNK_LAD HITS HIS ALL TIME LOW!!!!!!!!!
breaking news, the shop frequented on a very regular basis has run out of his favourite beverage, he has now been found slumped in the gutter murmering the words thought to be "driver8 stole it all", if anyone could donate him some cheap cider he would be most appreciative

OBSTRUCTION FOUND IN BOOT

Earlier this evening a considerable discomfort was caused to the toes of a rather tanked up moderator.

A large brown chocolate in the form of a Galaxy Minstrel was found in his right boot. The victim has reason to believe that this was planted deliberatly to stop the workings of the afor mentioned boot.

A lengthly process of removal has now begun, as the mintrel was crushed on impact - causing razor sharp pieces of crisp chocolate to be spread across the cavity.

There are a number of potential suspects, all believed to be behind a sinister plot to gain alcoholic beverages from the victims hidden fridge.

If you have any information that could narrow down the search, and be prepared to take part in an ID parade, please contact the funkysnooker staff.

INCREDIBLE BREAKING NEWS

my foot itches

Following on from the latest breaking news... sad bunny film theme tune scartches itchy panda foot.


Faces were horrified earlier as members joined the chat room to find a young innocent panda's foot in the arms of a female member. this scandelous revelation comes only minutes after she was booted for calling a moderator old in front of everybody.

Is she britney in disguise? who knows, but a spell in rehab should do the trick to cure this panda addiction this young girl has seemed to acquire.

BREAKING NEWS...

Funky_al deletes account.

one of the most loved members becomes the numpty of the week as he manages to get drunk and delete his own account.

Luckily for him he has friends in high places. look out for the next virtuoso newbie who cant hold his red wine

*contemplates changing picture*

LATEST QUOTE FROM BRITNEY LOOKALIKE:


"He WILL marry me. His innocent panda heart cannot keep this restraining order. HE WILL BE MINE!"

SPORT:

At the training camp in Macedonia there has been a bust up between driver8 and top_spin apparently top_spin has attacked him with a golf club then ran him down with his pet panda ... MORE WHEN WE GET IT...

read the paper this morning and it said bellamy used a driver(8) on riise, hmm, very suspicious....

You hit him with himself....

I have been wonering perhaps the news papers have got it wrong perhaps its driver 8 who is the nutter with the putter!!!