Force I do believe you should take the hint from Ron. You're lucky a nice mod found your posts before I did. This thread says GOOD jokes only.

Regardless of whether or not you think your joke is funny, you need to remember the rules and remember that this is a family site.

all right all right

calm down calm down
THE END !

I admit no such thing; it was appalling.

And I assure you I am as calm as a millpond. And yes it will be 'the end' when people stop posting unacceptable jokes. This is meant to be a FUN thread. Please, some of you, stop hijacking it.

R

Edited at 01:34 Wed 11/07/07 (BST)

An Irishman applying for a blacksmiths job was asked if he had any experience in Shoeing horses.

He said " NO, but i once told a Donkey to go away" !






See lads.....Clean AND Funny

hahaha thank you stella, lol you are definitely head joker on this site

Ahem....Why thank you mi'lady

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only half a mile away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(And you thought I wouldn't have De Gaulle to post this on here.)

I figured I had nothing Toulouse...

Noticed you said see LADS! Umm cos am the girl ya tell ur rude ones too (making ya self look innocent here PMSL)

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Father O'Connor walks into a pub and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want go to heaven?'
The man replies, 'Yes, Father.'

Father O'Connor then says, 'Leave this bar right now, and go outside'.
O'Connor proceeds to another man, and asks him the same thing. The chap also answers, 'Yes'.
Father O'Connor asks him too to go out.

The Reverend Father goes the the third man and asks, 'Would you like to go to heaven? '
This time the reply is, 'No thank-you Father.'
Surprised, Father O'Connor asks, 'Why not?'
The man opines, 'I mean I do, but only after I die.'

The Father O'Connor explains, 'That's what I am talking about.'
The man says , 'Oh, I thought you are getting a group ready right now.'

Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went and took the Irish accountancy exam.

Examiner: If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits do you have?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer and then I give you another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?
Paddy: Four.

Examiner: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits and then I give you another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Five.

Examiner: How on earth do you work out that two lots of two rabbits is five?
Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home!

An Irishman, Aussie and Scouser in a bar notice JESUS sat on his own. They each send him a drink and JESUS sups each pint slowly.When hes finished he walks over to the irishman, shakes his hand and thanks him for the guiness. Blimey says the irishman my arthritis has gone. JESUS then thanks the aussie for the fosters. Crikey he says, my bad backs cured. JESUS then approaches the scouser who runs away screaming GO AWAY AM ON DISABILITY

Edited by forum moderator _brighteyes_, at 16:44 Wed 11/07/07 (BST)

Post removed by forum moderator

*tuts and shakes head* the language in here !!!

*Blushes*

Ummmmmmm Stell am not sure i like it here bab.

Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane

10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."

So they went home.


A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says: Look, a dead bird.
The blonde looks up and says.. where

Oi! Nothing Wrongwith Blondes!

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

Edited by forum moderator _brighteyes_, at 16:49 Wed 11/07/07 (BST)

Just a reminder...again. Please keep the language clean in here, do not try to slip in clever ways to avoid the swear filter.

And keep these jokes family friendly. That means a 9 year old should be able to read them and not feel severely uncomfortable. And not have to hide it from his mummy.

Got it?

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on
the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me
a beer before it starts."

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it
starts."

She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next
to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get
me another beer, it's going to start any minute."


The wife is furious. She yells at him,

"Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in
front of that TV? You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob,
and furthermore . . ."

The man sighs and says, "It's started."