hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhaahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who's going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one. "Break it to her gently," they all urge. "Leave it to me," he says. When Smith's wife comes to the door, Anderson says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." "How much?" the wife yells, eyes blazing. "Tell him to drop dead!"







A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food." The panda yells back, "Hey, man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: "A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

Oh my god!


lol

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.



Edited at 01:04 Mon 12/11/07 (GMT)

lol nice one!

HAHAHAH!

A man walks into a bar and asks the barman, 'Was I in here last night?'
'You certainly were,' replies the barman.
'And did I spend a lot of money?'
'You spent over £100', replies the barman.
'Thank god for that,' says the man, 'I thought I'd wasted it.'

A guy runs in a bar and he asks the bartender for 24 shots of his finest whisky. When the bartender has poured the shots the guy drinks them down as fast as possible. The bartender says "wow I've never seen anyone drink that fast before" and the guy says "You would to if you had what I had" and the bartender says "What is it you have?" And the guy says "25p!" and runs out of the bar.

LMFAOOOOOOOOOO

Unlcuky Bartender lol

lmao

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going
into labour!"

The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"

He says, "No! This is her husband!"

lmao! keep um coming stell

englishman scottsman and an irishman walks into a bar...

the bartender says what is this some type of bloody joke?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
Then a second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"


My girlfriend walked into a shop to buy curtains.
She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those curtains in pink, the size of my computer screen.
The salesman said, "Computers don't need curtains."
My girlfriend said, "Hellooo, I have windows!"

HAHA!!!!!!

Patient :Doctor Doctor ive got a heridetary disease called the runs

Doctor : Sir that isnt heriditary

Patient : Well its in my jeans

Lmao at them

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says "Hey Sen~or, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."

The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers, a Budweiser."

The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."

He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says "Give me a Coke."

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"

The Guinness president replies "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."

LMAO!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Bill, Jim, & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.


Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way."


At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.


"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"