small, yet large at the same time. So she decided to have her nose cut off and replaced with...

A painted piece of banana, which she had to replace every hour. As she drove past her friend Beryl, she stuck her head out of the window of the car and...

her piece of banana just flew off her face and landed on...

Bruce Forsyths tesco bags. He had put his shopping down for a quick game of 'play your cards right', while waiting for the number 10 bus. As he picked up his bags, a pear fell out and rolled towards the edge of the curb, he said to the bus driver, you get nothing for a pair in this game! He quickly whipped out his...

Wallet and paid the £2 fair to get to....

Tranmere Rovers football ground, where he was meeting Cilla Black on their second date. She waited in the half filled stadium bar drinking a pint of Stella. She picked up her mobile phone and...

...phoned Bruce to remind him to grab the coupons for half price burgers out of the Evening Standard, but he had already left for the match.
The bus pulled up outside the ground and he noticed a familiar face, it was...

Rodger Rabbit, he got on the wrong bus and he was lost, so he asked the bus driver to take him to ............

... a magician , to turn him into a mad Irish cow for a day , because he was very unoriginal and boring and was desperate to do anything to get a decent personality so......

lol.. so the magician turned him to a scotish jock with a personalty of a fish he went to the local pub wer he met....

.. a french frog , who gargled worms , but loved big Irish udders , then his wife rode in on a motorbike , took off her helmet and smacked ......

............his MOST ungrateful face! for he had been foolin around with a hot aussie, who incidentally, did a deal with the devil to redeem her beautiful figure only for him to father a child with her. they named the devils spawn..............

hustlerrrrrrr.... who had a special talent on funkysnooker his mum was nt happy about this so she ask the devil to......

..... put him back where he came from , and bless her with a new baby called hippesville , with platted armpit hairs and a tattoo of the Australian flag on her/his head , next thing ....

...I turned the page and thankfully, someone had ripped out the next few pages...

Bruce's chicken nuggets and frozen peas had defrosted, so he left them on a wall somewhere...
Later that day... a large swooping owl grabbed the nuggets but let them go because he said they were the spicey varitey, which he does not like because...

He had a bit of as dodgy tummy and the peas would give him wind. So the owl flew off in search of other food when suddenly he came upon.......

A KFC, so he popped in and ordered a kids meal, shoved it under his wing and flew off to........

the woods to eat it in peace away from all the people writing a story about him, but then............

....along came a wicked witch on her motorbike and fooled him into .......

Her house in the outback, to clean toilets for her, as she was too lazy to do it herself, then........