The Official Jokes Thread
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05:23 Sun 31 Aug 08 (BST) [Link]
BRILLIANT!!! LOL
buddytobud said:
This one came up on joke of the day and made me laugh....if only
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
BRILLIANT!!! LOL
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09:14 Sun 31 Aug 08 (BST) [Link]
A lady golfer is stung by a wasp.
She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him.
"I've been stung by a wasp" She says.
" Where did it get you?" He replies
"Between the 1st and 2nd hole" She said
He said"Madam I think your stance must be a little too wide"
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO
She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him.
"I've been stung by a wasp" She says.
" Where did it get you?" He replies
"Between the 1st and 2nd hole" She said
He said"Madam I think your stance must be a little too wide"
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO
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17:11 Sat 27 Sep 08 (BST) [Link]
englishman walks into a bar with a budgie on his shoulder
bartender: where'd you get that?
budgie: down the highstreet they're all over the place
hahahahahaha
bartender: where'd you get that?
budgie: down the highstreet they're all over the place
hahahahahaha
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10:40 Thu 30 Oct 08 (GMT) [Link]
Fish and a piano
Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A. You can't tuna fish.
Q. What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A. You can't tuna fish.
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12:12 Thu 30 Oct 08 (GMT) [Link]
here's a couple of "non-jokes"
a man walks into a bar - he is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
another
knock, knock
"who's there?"
"its the police, your husband has died in an accident. we need you to come and identify the body."
a man walks into a bar - he is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
another
knock, knock
"who's there?"
"its the police, your husband has died in an accident. we need you to come and identify the body."
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17:39 Wed 19 Nov 08 (GMT) [Link]
Not exactly appropriate!
Edited by forum moderator virtuoso107, at 16:23 Fri 6/02/09 (GMT)
Edited by forum moderator virtuoso107, at 16:23 Fri 6/02/09 (GMT)
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09:29 Thu 20 Nov 08 (GMT) [Link]
Lol thats exactly wot my bf sed when it was announced he was the new president lol
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16:59 Wed 7 Jan 09 (GMT) [Link]
john travoltas son died last friday, so the doctors have ruled out saturday night fever !!!
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12:48 Tue 27 Jan 09 (GMT) [Link]
The American secret agency are having real problems with the new president, everytime they shout GET DOWN, he gets up and starts to dance !!!!
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09:54 Fri 6 Feb 09 (GMT) [Link]
i quit my job at the helium factory.....Im not having them talk to me like that
My vodka diet seems to be working..... i lost 3 days last week
A blonde was caught speeding by the police the other day. They said "can we see your licence please"...She replied " Whats wrong with you guys , yesterday you take away my licence and now you want me to show you it!
My vodka diet seems to be working..... i lost 3 days last week
A blonde was caught speeding by the police the other day. They said "can we see your licence please"...She replied " Whats wrong with you guys , yesterday you take away my licence and now you want me to show you it!
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01:33 Fri 13 Feb 09 (GMT) [Link]
An oldie but goodie
A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
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10:46 Mon 16 Feb 09 (GMT) [Link]
Diarrhoea is hereditary, because it runs in your jeans (genes)
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The Official Jokes Thread
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