HAHAAH!


A mans standing naked in front of his bedroom mirra and says to his wife

"Look at that, 17 stone of pure dynamite"

"Yeah" Said the wife.."Pity about the 2inch fuse" ! ! !

DUN DUN DUN!!! LOL

PMSL paula

I think I've got that swine flu, I'm coming out in rashers

Ok last 1 lol

What you call Liverpool without Steven Gerrard?

West Brom

smart , tuttu and sarahh went for a job interview ..
boss said " use the following colours in a sentence whoever do it good will get the job "
green
pink
yellow


sarahh says , " i woke up in the morning , ate yellow banana , watched pink panthers and saw green grass"

tuttu says, " i woke up in the morning , wear green cap , pink trousers and yellow shirt and went for a jog."

smart says , " i woke up in the morning, telephone green green , i pink up the phone and said yellow"

Edited at 05:42 Sat 2/05/09 (BST)

A 20 year old , enters a train with 10 infants .
An old lady sitting next to him asked , " they are all yours? "

Man replies , " No, I work in a condom factory , these are customer complaints"

elley down the street in pink, tom says she will make my fingers stink

HA HA HA HA

I was walking down the street the other day when I saw a man carrying a long case under his arm.

I said to him; "excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"

(read the answer out loud with a German accent).

hi. just letting you know i might not be around for a while think iv got the pig flu broke out in a rash this morning then started going streaky and scratching i rang the pig flu help line but it was crackling like hell but i should be ok as i got some oinkment for it now

2 blondes were walking in the country and came across some tracks on the ground. One said, these are deer tracks, the other said, no they are cows tracks.
deer tracks!
cow tracks!
deer tracks!
cow tracks!
deer tracks!
cow tracks!
deer tracks!
cow tracks!
deer tracks!
cow tracks!





They were still arguing when the train hit them

IM BLONDE..but lmaoooooooooooooo @ that!

Why did the Lion get Lost!!!!!!!!!!


Because JUNGLE IS MASSIVE

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.

She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife through butter.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was absolutely incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked on both sides of the Mersey !

You know that Liverpool Anthen "You'll never walk alone". Well its true because every scouse is getting followed by a copper.

why is they a fence around the graveyard? BECAUSE PEOPLE WAS DIEING TO GET IN

because of the recession, the catholic church was trying save money, so the pope was flying economy on his latest trip. to fill in the time he was doing a cross word when he was stuck on a clue
after about 15 minutes he turned to the person next to him and said can you help me?
i'm stuck on this clue "4 letter word meaning woman"
.... and it ends in UNT?

the bloke next to him thought for a moment and the replied "oh, i think it's AUNT"

the pope smiles and says "of course!!!!"

"you don't have an eraser do you?"

a lady is distressed outside tesco,

a man approaches to find out she has locked her keys inside the motor,

he tells the lady to calm down and quickly slides the front of his pants against the door handle,

amazingly the door opens, in shock the lady says how have you just done that.

.... with a smile he kindly replies, ' it was easy love, ive got my khaki pants on ' !!!

LOL

Little Tommy is sent home from school one day, and the lad's teacher accompanies him to explain to his mother what has happened.
"I'm very sorry Mrs Smith (always called Smith, these kids) but I'm afraid Tommy did something very rude today."
Tommy's mum is shocked. "What on earth has he done?"
The teacher replies "Tommy was caught peeing in the swimming pool."
Mrs Smith is almost relieved at this news and tries to make light of it. "Oh good grief, I thought it was something serious! Surely all kids do that at some time or other?"
"Well maybe, but not from the top diving board."

News Report just in...

The prison van transporting prisoners between Liverpool Crown Court and Walton Prison was subject to a daring prison break earlier today. Accomplices rammed the prison van with a fully laden cement mixer which was stolen from a local construction site.
Merseyside Police are now searching the surrounding area for hardened criminals.