LMAO! Love them all

im lovin them all

man walks into a bar








old but good

HAHAHAHA

a man goes with his wife to the doctors office. shortly after, she goes into the examination room. the doc examines her, comes out and says to the husband, i dont like the way your wife looks at all. the husband says, neither do i, but shes a great cook and good with the kids.

lol deco

i wanted to drown my troubles.......
but i cudnt get my wife to go swimming

lloooooooooooool

haha pmsl this is sooo funny. lol

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride raised all kind of hell with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."




Q: What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

A: A women who won't do what she's told.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

lmao@ mike

why did the woman cross the road?

who cares! the more important question is who let her out of the kitchen

LMAOOOOO

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Some proppa funny ones there Mike!

at my m8s wedding last week i told him he was a sucker for getting married. they all laughed at me and started poking me and saying arrgh you'll be next.. then the day after my m8s dad died so i thought id get my own back and start poking all the mourner saying arghhh you'll be next

hahahaha thats good

lmfaoooo thats great

did anybody hear about the magic tractor?

it turned into a field

a blonde takes her broken car to the mechanic,nothing serious love just crap in the air filter,,she repiles brillant how often do i have to do that ?

credit cruch...the married version.....husband and wife at tescos he puts a box of stella in the trolley,,what you think your doing asks his wife,,its on offer £10 for 24 cans,,put them
back we cant afford it says wife..a few aisles on wife picks up a £20 jar of face cream and puts it in the trolley..what u doing the husband asks? it makes my face look beautiful she says..husband says so does 24 stellas and its half the price

lmao thats a corka aunti