The Official Jokes Thread
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23:11 Wed 21 Jul 10 (BST) [Link]
LOL I tried to post that the other day but wouldn't let me.
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23:25 Wed 21 Jul 10 (BST) [Link]
Too long? I took about 3 lines out each paragraph
05:17 Fri 23 Jul 10 (BST) [Link]
hehehe
that's an oldie but a goodie
have heard a similar one, but it's a kiwi and before he shoots the place up he ravishes the waitress on the table.
the barman says "what's that all about about?"
'I'm a kiwi, look it up"
kiwi - nocturnal flightless bird, eats roots, shoots and leaves
that's an oldie but a goodie
have heard a similar one, but it's a kiwi and before he shoots the place up he ravishes the waitress on the table.
the barman says "what's that all about about?"
'I'm a kiwi, look it up"
kiwi - nocturnal flightless bird, eats roots, shoots and leaves
23:40 Tue 27 Jul 10 (BST) [Link]
Lmfao...you are so...dry!
jaaaames said:
Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled.
I laughed at the irony.
Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
I laughed at the irony.
Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
Lmfao...you are so...dry!
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19:40 Wed 18 Aug 10 (BST) [Link]
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde.
"I just got this amazing watch," he tells her, "it can read alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking."
"What does it say about me?" asked the blonde. "It says you want to sleep with me." said the man.
"Sorry," said the blonde, "I think your watch is broken."
"Hmmm," said the man slowly examining the watch, "It seems to be running an hour fast..."
"I just got this amazing watch," he tells her, "it can read alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking."
"What does it say about me?" asked the blonde. "It says you want to sleep with me." said the man.
"Sorry," said the blonde, "I think your watch is broken."
"Hmmm," said the man slowly examining the watch, "It seems to be running an hour fast..."
20:17 Wed 18 Aug 10 (BST) [Link]
nice 1 smurf....old ones are the best
Paddy the electrician has been sacked from HM Prison for refusing to fix the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it's a feckin death trap!!
Paddy the electrician has been sacked from HM Prison for refusing to fix the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it's a feckin death trap!!
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20:51 Wed 18 Aug 10 (BST) [Link]
A couple of Chinese guys were selling watches at the market, so I asked my girlfriend if she wanted one.
"I don't know," she said. "They look like they fell off the back of a lorry."
"Yeah I know," I said, "But the watches look pretty good."
"I don't know," she said. "They look like they fell off the back of a lorry."
"Yeah I know," I said, "But the watches look pretty good."
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16:20 Sat 21 Aug 10 (BST) [Link]
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"
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17:18 Sat 21 Aug 10 (BST) [Link]
Chinese Proverbs:
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
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07:12 Sun 22 Aug 10 (BST) [Link]
Guy goes up to a fat bird in the bar and says...... "omg, id certainly give you 1"
She says...... "i wouldnt sleep with you if you were the last man on this earth"
To which he replies
"wow, hang on a mo love, I was giving you marks outta ten"
She says...... "i wouldnt sleep with you if you were the last man on this earth"
To which he replies
"wow, hang on a mo love, I was giving you marks outta ten"
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The Official Jokes Thread
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