lool thats a gud 1

A man goes to his doctor complaining that his wife hasn't wanted sex for six months. The doc tells him to bring his wife in so he can find out what's up.

The next day, his wife shows up and the doctor asks her why she doesn't want sex.

"Well, for the past six months I've been taking a cab to work every day," she says. "The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today or what?' So I take an 'or what'."

"Then when I'm late to work, my boss asks me, 'Are we going to report this or what?' So I take an 'or what'. By the time I get home, I'm just too tired for any more."

"I see", replies the doc. "So, are we going to tell your husband or what?"

Paddy runs into the pub and shouts "Hey Micky, someone has just nicked your car" Micky said "omg, did you see who it was?"
Paddy says "No Micky, but i got his registration".

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

lol nice one al

good 1 al

A drunk guy walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink. "Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here".

The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.

"I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!".

The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door.

Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink. The bartender, now really mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!".

The drunk looks up at the bartender and slurs "How many bars do you work at, anyway?"

Two Blondes in a travel agents, one blonde says.....Which is further, florida or the moon?
2nd blonde replies......... Er... Helloooo, can you see florida?

Man goes fishing on the ice. He cuts a hole and puts his fishing rod in when a voice says "Theres no fish in there"

To which the man man replies "How do you know are you god"

The voice replies "NO im the owner of the ice rink".

emile heskey

lmaooooooooooo

I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.
"Grandson," he said, "how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

My mate told me that I just don't understand irony.

Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.

Went to see my ex today, one thing led to another and *we did it*.
The police wernt too happy as i was only supposed to identify the body.

I bought a new boat the other day. I didn't really want it, but there was a sail on.

lmao

What do you call a person in a cooking pot?...



What do you call a person with a shovel in his head?...



What do you call a person with no legs?...



Thanks for all the support, thank you and goodbye!

I like this one..